SANDERELLA

A Fairy Tale

by Churchill Mallison

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without author’s written permission.

Published in booklet for "The Cuban Sandwich Show"

Sanderella stood over the hot stove dumping pounds of chopped chorizos, celery, onions, garbanzo beans———enough garlic to run evil spirits out of the entire city of Tampa———and whatever else she could lay her hands on into the boiling kettle of chicken broth. Giant tears provided additional salt. Everyone in the shop had taken a break to watch the crowds gathering for the Gasparilla parade which was going to pass right by Ye Ole YBor-City-Styled Downtown Cuban Sandwich Shoppe, located near the new Convention Center. Everyone but her, that is. The mean, nasty WASP owner———what did he know about Cuban food anyway?———wasn't for her he'd be in the soup, all right!———wouldn't let her out of the kitchen. She had to prepare enough food to feed the hungry hordes who would (hopefully) come pouring in after the parade. Once, just once before she lost the bloom of her youth———which was considerable———she'd like to be in that parade. After all, José Gaspar was Spanish (well, if he'd been real instead of a fictitious character), and she was of Spanish decent, so why couldn't she be part of the festivities instead of stuck slaving away in a hot kitchen for minimum wage.

Suddenly there was a brilliant flash in the room, startling poor Sanderella nearly out of her apron. She thought she'd finally done it and blown up the joint with her wild soup concoction! As the steam cleared, though, she saw, much to her amazement, a little red-headed Jewish woman wearing some kind of fancy gown that glowed like quick silver. Not that she had the faintest idea what quick silver glowed like.

"Yes, ma'am? What can I do for you? The shop isn't open for at least another hour..." Sanderella stammered.

"I know. But I sensed your distress and thought maybe I could help."

"You don't look like you know a whole lot about Spanish or Cuban cooking, ma'am. I don't mean to be rude or nothin', but you look like maybe lox and bagels.... Besides, if you're supposed to be in the parade, you'd better get a move on. You need to get down to Bay to Bay and find your float!"

"No-no-no-no!" The little fancy-dressed Jewish woman shook her head, but she was grinning from ear to ear. "Maybe I'd better explain myself. I'm your Fairy Godmother, Sandy Freebee."

"Gee, Miss...Sandy, I didn't know you was a fairy!"

"Fairy Godmother, Sanderella, Fairy Godmother."

"I got a Jewish Fairy Godmother?" Sanderella clearly was confused.

"Look, there's only one Fairy Godmother per city and what you see is what you get. Anyway, I heard your wish, and today it's your turn to have a wish granted. So. You want to be a queen in the Gasparilla parade. Let me see." Fairy G. Sandy placed a finger to her nose and thought.

"Um-hummm," Fairy G. Sandy said, nodding her head. She raised her hand and waved her gavel at Sanderella.

VAP-ZAP-ZOOM! Sanderella was showered in sparks, and when the fireworks cleared, she stood in the kitchen in a beautiful, tomato-red gown with gold sparks, and she wore a Spanish comb and a lavender mantilla. ———So the colors didn't exactly match, whadda ya want. She was breathtaking!

"Well done," Fair G. Sandy sighed. "But we need a coach of some sort...." She looked around the kitchen. Nothing looked very promising. There were chorizos, but they'd make a pretty stupid looking carriage. "No pumpkins?" she asked.

"Pumpkins? In a Cuban sandwich shop? This ain't no deli, Fairy Godmother. They got pumpkins in a deli this time of year?"

"Anything round will do."

"Closest thing I got to round is a garbanzo bean, and they're all in the soup."

"Eh? How long?"

"How long what?"

"They been in the soup? Takes garbanzo beans three days of hard boiling to get soft! How long?"

"Less than an hour."

"Great! Spoon one out and we'll use that!"

"A half-cooked garbanzo bean for my coach?"

"Hey, don't look a gift-Fairy in the mouth. Get the bean!"

Sanderella fished around in the pot until she found a nicely shaped garbanzo bean. She spilled the broth and held the spoon with its prize out to Fairy G. Sandy. Fairy G. told her to place the thing out back in the parking lot———they'd never be able to get it through the kitchen door once she transformed it. Sanderella complied. Fairy G. Sandy waved her gavel over the bean a couple of times and said things that sounded like legalese and...

WHAP-ZAP-ZOOM-KA-BOOM! The bean exploded, fireworks and smoke filled the parking lot! When the smoke cleared, there sat a glorious, though slightly half-boiled, carriage! Sanderella was speechless.

Fairy G. Sandy laid her finger aside her nose again, thinking. "Got any rats around this joint?" she asked.

"Rats! In my kitchen! Certainly not!" Sanderella felt highly insulted.

About that time, a cockroach skittered along the outside walls, climbed the stoop, and started searching for a wide enough space between the screen door and the threshold to get inside. He smelled the soup and wanted some for himself!

A wicked grin crossed Fairy G. Sandy's bright-red mouth, and she literally threw the gavel at the roach.

WAP P-ZAP-ZOOM-FWOOP!

An enormous stud roach came staggering out of the kitchen door. He had to turn sideways to get out! But this was no ordinary roach! He had glittering racing stripes of gold along his sides and jeweled wings. He stood there shaking his head while Fairy G. Sandy retrieved her gavel. Another wave and the roach was outfitted with a jeweled harness. Fairy G. Sandy motioned for Sanderella to help, and the two of them hooked the roach up to the carriage.

Fairy G. Sandy stood back and smiled, well pleased with herself. "I just love helping out the little people! Well, Sanderella. Time's awasting. Better get on down to Bayshore and get in line. Now, I suggest you fly the coach along the parade route———be much more impressive that way. Even the Anheuser Busch horses won't be able to compete with you!"

"But what about the food!———my boss———"

"Don't worry about that. I'll take care of everything. Just have a good time. But be sure to be here on time tomorrow!"

>>>>>

Well, Sanderella had a great time. She stole the show. She also found her Prince and stole his heart. The next day, however, she was fired from her job because when the boss got back all he could find in his Cuban Sandwich shop were corned beef sandwiches and knishes. It didn't matter though, because Prince Castillano swept Sanderella up and married her that very same day! He owned a Cuban Sandwich Shop. She spent the rest of her days stuck in the kitchen making garbanzo bean soup!

*****